Christmas in...October?

I am an obsessive compulsive control freak planner and list maker. I admit that wholeheartedly. I check my bank account daily and reconcile every penny. I make lists of every food we have in the house and meals for the week. I have six "stickies" on my desktop right now with lists of meal databases, current budgets, to do, standing budget and theoretical "if the other house should ever sell" budget, addresses, ideas for recipe contests, doctor appointments, crafting ideas, cleaning schedules. You name it - I probably have a list for it.

So, it won't surprise you that in a season where yards are filled with leaves and pumpkins are appearing on porches, the hidden aisles of ornaments and lights way in the back of the stores have me in a panic about Christmas. I hate, "We'll see." I hate, "Maybe." I hate, "Let's play it by ear." I want to know NOW. I was the kid who snuck around and found the Christmas presents and opened them, re-wrapping them because I couldn't stand not knowing. My Mom would ship a big box of presents every year, and while my Dad was at work I'd slit the tape open just along the crease to see what surprise was in store for me.

Amidst all of this, I feel like I've had control taken from me. I feel like Jackson's cast is a wrapped gift and I can't see what is inside - I cannot predict the future of what is going to happen. I don't know if he will still need surgery. I can't plan ahead. We had these ideas of saving all of our loyalty points from staying in hotels over the next two years for a big "Out of Cast Trip." The rainbow after the storm, if you will. I got a contest form in my inbox this morning about a sweepstakes for a Disney Cruise and clicked on it, excitedly. I read the dates and realized, "No chance. Even if we DID win, we couldn't use it." Now, I realize, of course, that the chances of winning those things are slim, but I cling to those little hopes and dreams on occasion.

And, speaking of gifts, and planning ahead, I wish I could know what is going to happen for Christmas. On one hand, it could be fine. We could have a bonus and be able to sponsor a family on the board I frequent online, like we have done the past two years. We could let the kids pick names off the CASA tree at our grocery store, which they look forward to doing - shopping on Black Friday for "their" kid. I'm not concerned about what we'll get Grandparents because I know they'll understand if they just get a new picture of the kids. I'm not concerned about Godparents, they'll understand, too. But, you know who won't understand? ME!!!!

Just kidding. The kids, of course. It is SO up in the air. We've been "prepping" the kids - "Well, you know, with your behavior lately you'll be LUCKY if you get coal." But, the truth is, I don't know WHAT Christmas will bring. I don't know if we'll have another trip to Chicago for a cast before then. We very well may. I know we'll have a follow-up in four weeks, so that's nearly Thanksgiving. There's a very good chance mid to late December we'll be taking another voyage up North. So, two more trips before Christmas - it will be a challenge, Christmas aside.

Our community just got a new Borders, and, of course as part of the Grand Opening festivities they are giving away the new American Girl, Julie. My kids can't comprehend how many hundreds of children have put their names in there, and are convinced that ONE of them will win. And, to top it off, they're consoling themselves by saying things like, "That's okay - if I don't win, I'll just ask SANTA! That way you don't have to pay for it."

Ah, to be young.