Welcome home sweet boy

The end of an era...

Today is the last day I will be a mom of all girls. The whole premise is rather bizarre. I can't believe that tomorrow at this time I'll have a son - and that he's going to be in our arms and joining our family so soon. At this point it's unfathomable what it will be like to walk into the house with him. I keep thinking of where we'll set him down first, remembering what it was like when we brought home each of the girls - how strange to see them there, a whole other person living separate from me, snuggled up in the carseat that consumes their tiny little body. I remember how strange the feeling was knowing they would never again be this theoretical entity, but forever a separate, independent person.

It has been a flurry of activity around here. We've gone to the post office, the bank, the bookstore - anything and everything we can think of to keep our minds off the ticking clock. Part of me is filled with nervous energy, fearful of the reality that is childbirth pain while at the same time so anxious to see this little soul with my own two eyes that I can hardly sit still. We're trying to get everything into place, imagining what we will need to make our lives easier those first days, and hoping that we haven't forgotten anything too terribly important. I did make the realization today that I've only gotten one of my favorite chamois crib sheets from Pottery Barn Kids - whoops! I might have to dig around and see if I at least have a backup sheet somewhere. (Those of you who are parents, especially breastfeeding ones, know how quickly sheets can get exploded on!)

So, that's that. Tomorrow morning we'll wake up very early to drop off the girls and then head to the hospital. My stomach is flip flopping just thinking of those first moments - filling out the little questionnaire, getting your bloodwork and IV put in, feeling the first contractions consume your body - changing very quickly from charming little constrictions of the abdominal muscles to the intense gnawing at your core, and the welcome visit from the anesthesiologist who brings a bittersweet mix of bee stings, popping pressure in the spine, and the release from pain as the meds slowly travel through the body. If history repeats itself, it will be only a short time after that when that primal force will transition our lives from pregnancy to parenthood once more. Each time it is no less amazing than the first, no less miraculous.

I hope I can sleep.

New things for you...

A belly shot and a ticker, too.

Closer than you think....

In fact, up until yesterday, closer than WE thought. I had an appointment yesterday with some high blood pressure, so the doctor was a bit concerned. Jack's heartrate was up in the 180s (usually more like 140-150). She had me rest and re-checked it, then sent me on my merry way when it went down.

Jack's head is "right there" - he reacted to the cervical check by turning his head back and forth as if to say "Hey, someone else is in here!" (per Dr. M). I am now dilated to 3cm and "highly favorable" for an induction, which she and I agreed to move up a bit to Saturday morning. She'll be working a 24 hour shift on Saturday and I've abandoned the notion that Jack MUST be born in August. It will be nice having here there, on staff, the entire time we're admitted (barring any major complications). At least if I need additional pain management or have any questions or concerns crop up, she will already be there just outside the room.

At this point, I'm just anxious to have him in my arms and to know that we are all safe and healthy. Things are falling into place at home. It's hard to do the little things - even cooking or planning a meal. I want to just get take-out all the time. You know that feeling when you've cleaned your house and you're going to have a party so you can't possibly mess it up again before then? That's the feeling - times a hundred. But, we're trying to stay home and eat what we have here so that we'll be able to get takeout or convenience foods next week when we REALLY need them.

I've been having a lot of contractions today (and yesterday). Dr. M. stripped my membranes yesterday at the visit and it definitely stirred up a little activity, but I don't think it's going to send me into full blown labor. The bags are packed and in the car, ready to go. The "It's a Boy" hand-outs are ready to go. We still aren't 100% on the names, but time will tell. J is the only one in disagreement at this point, so I think team estrogen will persevere. But, we'll see. I had to run out today and get a new Boppy, since they seem to smoosh down every time you use them and I need as much arm support as possible to nurse. We also grabbed some bread/milk/juice at the store, to be sure we were stocked up. I was lucky enough to have time to get my haircut, highlighted, and brows waxed. I may actually even feel HUMAN after he's born - not to mention LOOK human in the pictures. I hope. Tonight we'll watch a movie from Blockbuster home delivery, and try to relax. I think there are still a few things to be washed in preparation, and then we could stand to be sure everything is properly packed in my bag again. But, that's that. I just need something to keep my mind off contractions and on getting through to Saturday!

I'm about over it

I have to gripe - because my kids don't care and my poor, sweet, sympathetic husband hears about it all the time - so I'm just going to get it off my chest and then try to sleep.

I'm about over it. I want to cherish these last days/weeks - I want to hide Jack from the world and relish in every kick. I want to sit and daydream about what life will be like when he's here and sit in wonder at the size of my swelling belly.

And, yet, the truth is - I'm miserable. I'm sick of it. I'm tired of being tired - I'm sick of being in pain. I want to sleep! I want to lay in bed without fifteen pillows strategically positioned under my belly, behind my back, between my legs, propping me up. I want to walk up the steps without having to stop halfway to catch my breath, or feel my knees buckling beneath me. I want to lay in bed and not have to pee the second I get comfortable. I want to sit in a chair at the end of the day, then walk across my kitchen floor without limited range of motion in my feet because they're so swollen it's like they're inflated. I want to drive down the street, or sit in the bed, without watching the clock struggling to remember exactly when that last contraction was - how long it has been - and when the next one would come. I want to not feel the pressure radiate to my back, wondering if the baby is posterior and if it will cause back labor. I want to go to sleep at night and not wonder if *this* trip to the bathroom will be the one that is preceded by a gush of fluid, and not wonder constantly what traffic is like on the bridge. I want to send J off to work without the concern that he won't make it home in time for the birth, much less time to get the kids somewhere *and* me to the hospital.

And, sometimes, when I'm sitting alone or soaking in the tub, I want to be pregnant forever - and never have to return to life without the magic that is carrying a child. Not have to return to life with stretched skin and wilted muscles and that empty feeling that all is quiet and still within.

37 weeks and beginning to dilate!

There you have it, folks - it DOES get bigger than last picture! Can you believe it?

Had a good doctor appointment today. I feel so blessed to have found such an awesome obstetrician and her support staff makes it so great. I'm actually a little sad to think that I won't be seeing these women regularly after Jack is born. But, I think I'll be busy enough to manage somehow. :)

She checked progress today and all the aches and pains aren't in vain - I am dilating already and she was happy to announce that I was at 2 centimeters. This is a big difference from the last pregnancy, where I was "thick, high, and closed" all the way until the pitocin drip was put in. However, this also means things could go VERY quickly from here. Last delivery I went from 4cm to 10cm in about 20 minutes. Yikes! Hopefully we'll have some advanced warning before we get to that point, though. I keep halfway expecting to feel a gush every time I hoist myself out of bed in the middle of the night. So, we shall see. The doctor said she'll see me next week, if I make it to that point.

Miserable with fat feet

Look at the size of those feet - and where did my ankles go??? Yep - that's the joy of my pregnancy right now. When I wake up they're like that, too. I sometimes can barely feel the floor beneath my feet because they're so swollen. My OB refers to them as "Fred Flintstone" feet. :)

I can squeeze into one pair of shoes and they're stretched-out flip flops! And yes, my nails are blue - all of ours are (well, all members of the family who are female). We did pink for baby girls, so we thought it would be fun to do blue. This is OPI something Azure.

While we're at it - did you ever wonder what pitting edema looked like? It's a lovely condition where when the skin is depressed it stays indented for some time as the fluid is moved away from that spot.

Here is the profile of my left puffy foot before pressing


And after

Nesting, Nesting, Nesting....never resting...

So much to do, so little time. Although the days are creeping by at a snail's pace, it seems that there isn't enough time in the day or enough days in the week to accomplish everything on my growing list.

A big part of my nesting has been mentally preparing meals (and ideas) for the coming months. Last week we went to the bakery and got 18 bagels, which are sliced and frozen individually downstairs - blueberry and chocolate chip for the kids (and the big kid!), multigrain and asiago for me. Yesterday I baked six loaves of quick breads for easy breakfasts and snacks, so those are in the freezer as well.

I've looked into Meal Makers (one of those make-ahead meal places) but for $18-$24 an entree, I think I can do it much better (and healthier) myself. If only I had the time and energy to do so. I did manage to start soaking some navy beans today for White Bean Chicken Chili, and we'll freeze that. But it will be hot - so I don't think we'll be wanting soups and stews. If only I could make fruit salad and pasta salad ahead of time. That sounds wonderful right now!

3 weeks until we meet our boy!

...and growing

35 weeks and 2 days - exactly four weeks from now we will be on our way to meet Jack!