This month has been bittersweet and filled with rollercoasters of emotions and anxieties. I find myself worried about silly things, or unlikely things, and I'm certain that it's only related to my underlying fears regarding Jack's evaluation.
Yesterday a bridge went down in MPLS. Watching the news unfold all evening led to nightmares last night. We travel over a bridge built the same year quite often. There are three bridges here - and I cannot help but wonder which is the most dangerous, which is the safest, which is most likely to go down. You wonder irrational things like, "How would I get five kids out of carseats if we were going underwater." It's terrifying. Unlikely - but terrifying. So, my fears about the upcoming visit are manifesting in these irrational thoughts about bridges at the moment.
As far as the fears are concerned, I'm not even sure why I'm afraid. I have to make a big decision here - whether or not to cast. I pray - and I hope you will, too - that God will close that door to us if it isn't meant for Jack. It is a collossal pain in the butt to cast because it cannot get wet. Having an almost exclusively breastfed baby (we think he rejects solids because there is too much pressure on his belly from the curve in his spine, or perhaps the esophagus shifting to the side) means we still have issues with diapers leaking. If it leaks, it will go up inside the cast, and I just cannot imagine how to get that clean and dry again. Yuck! Cosmetic and asthetic issues aside, there is a risk of chest wall deformity and an additional risk with being under general anesthesia.
Our greatest hope, what we pray for, is a complete recovery without intervention. The fact that his back is already correcting could mean he has self-resolving scoliosis. Oh, I pray that's the case. Woudldn't that be amazing?? I am anxious to see if his curve has corrected or progressed going up to Chicago next week. Hearing that he's ineligible would be somewhat of a comfort, as long as his curve is not progressing. We know that there are hundreds of people praying for him, and we know that God is hearing and answering your prayers. Jack's Daddy works with a wonderful man who also happens to wear the hat of a Pastor back home. He and Jack are special friends - they share a birthday. Just after his diagnosis, he shared a story with us. During service that Sunday he prepared a presentation for his congregation. It had lots of pictures of Jack's chubby smiling face. He told the story of this sweet little boy's life. Then he changed the picture to Jack's x-ray. As he relayed the story of his congregation first gasping in shock, then lowering their heads and closing their eyes in solemn prayer, my eyes filled with tears. He is touching so many lives, and so many lives are touching ours. It is amazing to hear of the kindness, and faith, of strangers. We believe, firmly, that God has already shown us our boy will be okay with this noticeable resolution. We just pray that we know the right answers regarding the next step in his treatment.
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