believe me.
I really do.
After waiting at the hospital for quite some time, the doctor came in with the x-rays they had just taken. He met our eyes with kindness, almost sympathetic kindness, and said that the cast isn't holding. (I tear up just typing that.) Jack's spine has deteriorated from 38* in the cast to 55* in the cast in seven weeks.
The day he was casted, the curve measured 64*. Again, there is always some margin of error, some variances of positioning and who does the measurements. But, this number should not be so rapidly growing. We know that he should have some sort of stabilization in the cast. We know for certain that this is not good.
We were told this cast needs to come off right away, because, basically, it's useless. It isn't even holding the correction and his back will continue to get worse in this one. Our best hope is to have this one removed and repeat the procedure ahead of schedule, in mid-October, and hope that we can get down below 30* this second time. Apparently, the doctor isn't feeling very optimistic about Jack's progress and doesn't think that casting is going to be the answer for him. He said we can continue to do this until Jack is old enough for surgery. It was obvious that if we are to see any success in the casting, it will not be this year. We now expect that he will need a new cast every 8-10 weeks and that we will be, essentially, traveling every month and this will continue for two years before we may know anything definitive.
In the meantime, we will continue because there is nothing else we can do. We are disheartened, demoralized. I was so confident going into this. I didn't even get nervous driving up there - I just KNEW they were going to say he was fine. So many people have been praying for him, I just knew he'd be okay. Those words fell upon us and the air instantly shifted.
We had no desire to be there anymore and just wanted to be back in our home. We drove back, the first two hours of which were total gridlock. We managed to travel twenty-five miles in that span of time. When we finally got home it was very late. We were physically and emotionally exhausted - the tension in the car the rest of the way home was palpable. It is so easy to blame ourselves, blame eachother when things do not go as expected.
Today, his future is uncertain once again. We are now scrambling to pay for an unexpected trip back in a short amount of time and praying for resolution.
There is no sense or justice in this.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
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2 comments:
Oh my mama friend. I am so sad for you. So sad. I know you're probably not in "figure something out" mode but I had a thought while reading your post. If the cast is only to keep the curve from progressing, then can you skip the whole recasting every couple of months and go back to the brace? If the cast isn't doing much, then why bother with the expense and stress of travelling a lot.
(((hugs))) mama. Please do not hesitate AT ALL to ask for ANYTHING you may need. I mean it.
I read this more than a day ago.
Since then I've been thinking and praying. Trying to come up with something to say to make it all better.
I've got nothing.
But I wanted to let you know that I've read the update. That I'm sorry. And that I care.
I so wish the appointment had turned out differently. And that Jack, and your family, will continue to be in my prayers.
Remember, you've got friends. Please lean on us. We're here for you!
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